If life has taught me anything, it is that there is far more beneath the surface than meets the eye. Most of us wear our damages and wounds on the inside where they are safely tucked away from the view of others. This allows the illusion of normality for some as they walk through their 9-5 lives, thinking and engaging on a surface level with all whom they come in contact.
Some people cling to that normalcy as if it were a lifeboat that will save them from the crashing waves of genuine uncertainty that threaten us all from time to time. But is it real? I mean, what IS normal, other than a setting on a drier?
These very normal people are the ones who walk past my client and I in a store and look at her with a mixture of pity and fear, as if they very sight of a woman with obvious physical challenges reminds them that their illusion of normal can smashed in an instant. They are the same people who would pay an obligatory visit to a relative once or twice a year at the facility for which I worked and try unsuccessfully to hide their distaste for the residents that weren’t their family members. As if my people were nothing more than their diagnosis or age.
For a long time, I felt actual rage at the short-sightedness of these normal people who are more likely to grumble about people looking for handouts when they see a homeless vet than actually consider the fact that he is a human being with a story just like the rest of us. It would ruin my peace of mind. The CALLOUSNESS of it. But then it hit me. They don’t even realize that’s what they are doing. It’s a subconscious reaction to distance themselves from such potential outcomes. They HAVE to see the sick or poor or ill or elderly as somehow lacking or broken in order to protect the mental image they have of themselves. After all, any other insight would force them to accept the fact that we are all one cataclysmic event from becoming what they most fear.
Ah, but I know what they don’t, both through my own life experiences and those for whom I have been blessed enough to have in my care. I know that when you are forced to accept life as it is, you learn how to create a new normal. You learn how to adapt. What my residents and clients have shown me time and time again is that life is a balance. When one ability is lost, another is gained. My client lost mobility, but she gained perspective, perseverance, a higher tolerance for pain. She has a level of empathy for others that she said was a bit lacking before her health failed her and never once have I heard her say that life is not fair. Think about that. It is truly humbling.
I have seen people in perfect health have a complete meltdown over a coupon in a grocery store. I have heard countless versions of “why me’s” from those who have all they could possibly need to be happy. If “normal” means taking life for granted until catastrophe teaches you otherwise, I’d just as soon learn from the outcasts.