Business as Usual


Alice
Business as usual. She died. No one saw it coming and it’s business as usual. And I get it. Of course I do. We work with the most vulnerable of people, most of whom are at the very end of the long race that humanity is running. Many of whom have outlasted all of their loved ones. Our job is walking with those people, hand in hand, to the end. That’s how I see it. We care for them, preserve their dignity, protect their humanity and calm their fears as the sun goes down on the incredible day that has been their life. I tell them in all the ways that I know how that the sunset is always when the light is the most beautiful and that their colors will be forever painted on my heart.
She was here when I ended my last shift and she’s gone when I came in for this shift; gone in an instant. It’s how I would like to go if given a choice; in an instant after a full long life. Still, the shock rattles my mind as I absorb the news. Loss is part of the job and there isn’t always a warning. And I know it’s business as usual because we have others in our care but can we pause?! Can I have a minute to adjust to this reality before I have to hear who didn’t do an adequate job on the hall this weekend or which other resident was disruptive?! Can I have a minute to remember my favorite moments with her before dismissing her death as just part of the gig?!
Can I have a minute before I hear, “Alice, you like an adventure, right? Want to help give a shower to an “impossible” resident”? Can I have a minute before I hear the dread in another person’s voice that a resident living with mental illness is coming back on my hall tomorrow? You say oh God. I say thank God.
I will double my hall checks tonight just to be on the safe side. I will spend extra time with my night owls. I will gladly give that shower to the impossible resident. I will smile at the many times the resident we lost made me laugh. I will appreciate others more and be deeply grateful for my own life. It’s business as usual. That doesn’t mean I ignore loss. It means I use it to enrich me as a caregiver; as a human being. It doesn’t mean I dismiss death. It means I celebrate life.

One thought on “Business as Usual

  1. Chaplain

    Alice, thank you for this. I am a chaplain in long term care, and continue to wonder how to help provide the pause for staff before having to dive in to all the other tasks and needs each day brings. And, two residents in our community have died in the past week and I need that pause too, but am also helping provide it for others. Thanks for your reflections and how you weave the grief of loss into how you move forward, caring for others like your night owls or the impossible resident – your words have been a blessing to me today.

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