Well Bully for You


Corey
I wanted to write about memory care. I really did, about how it feels to come full circle and how much I love the challenge of constantly adapting but that post is going to have to wait. As much as I would LIKE to write about my new job assignment, I feel COMPELLED to tackle a different topic: bullying. On the surface, it seems a simple enough problem to discuss. Don’t be a jerk. ‘Nough said…except that as with so many other issues, bullying is a deeply rooted systemic problem that will never be solved without an open and honest examination of how and what it truly means.
Most work places have a zero tolerance policy for physical conflict. That’s a pretty low baseline. I’ve never actually met anyone who showed up for work one day and randomly started punching people, so as far as I can tell that is a cover your ass policy that does little to nothing to curb the problem. If things have gotten so bad that there has to be a no punching rule then somebody has dropped the ball somewhere.
Did you hear?…Well, First shift…If second shift…the new girl…How many conversations start like that? It catches faster than a forest fire and suddenly everyone is angry over something they heard second or third hand. Everyone gets in on the action, morale goes down, quality of care goes down, communication becomes petty and useless and I feel like I’m in fifth grade again. It’s ridiculous and I am over it.
It’s modeled behavior. Supervisors act as if they are confused as to why there is chaos on the floor. It’s baffling. Of course there is dysfunction on the floor because there’s dysfunction in the office. I have yet to work in a facility where I didn’t know exactly how the supervisors felt about each other; where I didn’t know which caregivers were favored on which shift. It’s impossible not to hear the claptrap. This along with an inconsistent application of consequences inevitably causes resentments. If management doesn’t hold themselves to a higher standard, why would they expect it from those who work under them?
It’s not just caregivers that are on the receiving end either. New supervisors come in and before they even have time to adjust, a collective snap judgement is formed by the members of management who have been there longer. Suddenly everyone from the office down is berating the new kid on the block. I have to wonder, for all the criticism regularly heaped on new people, how many senior employees have reached out their hand? How many have said, “Man, I know how tough it is to be new. I remember when I first started. I know how overwhelming it can be. If I can help you or you have any questions, just let me know”? Now THAT would be a refreshing show of true leadership. Sadly, it’s much easier to bitch about a person than it is to solve a problem.
It’s rampant in the online CNA support groups too. The helpful posts and genuine questions are often buried under posts that take unnecessary digs at other people. This co-worker is lazy. That co-worker calls out. So much of it is catty, as if one can’t feel good about themselves without putting another down. It maddening and ugly and I don’t understand the point. Unless a resident is being put in harm’s way, there are better ways to solve the day to day troubles of working with others than to engage in pettiness. Those in our care handle living with cancer, dementia, Parkinson’s, and mental illness better than some caregivers handle having to stay five minutes over or putting a trash bag in a trash can; better than some supervisors handle sharing an office. It’s a little pathetic.
The truth is, I’ve never had a problem with those from other shifts who work my hall. I do my best and respect my co-workers and in return they seem to be just fine with me. Our halls run smoother because of it and those in our care get the attention and energy that would be wasted on engaging in drama. For the most part, when I put good out I get good back and I trust my own experiences rather than the gossip that runs rampant.
Be it in the workplace or out, bullying has become an epidemic that rots the best and empowers the worst of the human experience.
It is the worst kind of groupthink and it scares me how normalized it has become in now. When did it become socially acceptable to rip another person to shreds simply for disagreeing with you. A single person behaving in such a way may hurt another’s feelings, but when it becomes groups of people tearing others down, real damage is done. It is leading us down a dangerous road at breakneck speed.
We who work in Long Term Care exist in a microcosm of the outside world. Because of this we have the ability to see the damage that collective bullying is doing on a small and intimate scale within the walls of facilities. In this world, we can do something about it. We can be helpful instead of hurtful. We can lift each other up instead of knock each other around. We can speak up, even when it’s hard, even when it is to those in charge. We can choose not to engage in toxic behavior. In doing so, we will be happier, our residents will be calmer and our co-workers will have a window into better ways of handling conflict. Maybe, just maybe, we can learn these lessons on the job and use them off the clock. We can be an example for others. After all, chaos and negativity may be contagious but so is positivity and hope. The choice is ours.

2 thoughts on “Well Bully for You

  1. donna

    CNAs are under-respected and under-appreciated. Given this situation, they don’t like anyone to come along, even another CNA, who suggests there may be a better way to do things than the ways they’ve been doing things for the last ten, fifteen, twenty years—especially true in dementia care, where the thinking about what good dementia care is has changed so much. Aides become defensive and one of the tried-and-true ways of defending oneself is to attack the new kid on the block, or the one who brings new ideas into the workplace. Management isn’t going to tackle this or any other issue unless CNAs (or families) demand a response.

    The Kendal Organization sponsors The Kendal Project, which offers excellent (and free) webinars on many subjects, including that of staff-to-staff bullying. Google kendaloutread.kendalproject.org. It’s so importnat to address bullying, for the sake of excellence in care.

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