Tag Archives: private duty care

Life Lessons

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Alice

“Oh! I’m so sorry!”, I said to the woman behind me in line at the food court. I accidentally whacked her with my client’s folded up walker as I switched it to my other shoulder. She looked at me with pity, completely unaware of the fact that I was celebrating a personal victory.
I wasn’t certain how my first shift after this election was going to be. The result left a wound in me that seems to be incomprehensible to those who voted for our new president elect. They don’t understand that for many of us, it’s not about the man as much as it’s about what we are willing to overlook or embrace as a nation in the name of “ending corruption”. It’s the ideology that’s so painful.
Be that as it may, I had a job to do and doing it well matters a great deal to me. Still, it would be a real test. Do I love the family in my care more than I despise and fear their ideology? In this environment, would I be able to detach from my own deeply held convictions for twelve hours of non-stop coverage followed by commentary by my client and her husband? I honestly didn’t know and, for the first time in a long time, I dreaded going into work.
I took a deep breath as I stepped through the door and immediately felt a shift in my thinking. Without any effort on my part, the caregiver in me rose up and took over. Outside that house, I’m Alice, free to feel and do whatever I see fit whenever I see fit, but once I stepped through that door, I had job to do and I knew in that moment that it was well within my power to do it.
As I assisted with ADLS, prepared meds and breakfast, I listened to my client chatter happily about the election results. To my COMPLETE surprise, in that moment, I found myself grateful, not for the current state of the nation, but for a moment of genuine excitement for my client. I was happy to hear the hope in her voice without agreeing with the reasoning behind it. I was able to put that in perspective because her being happy in that moment was more important than me being right. That didn’t mean I had to sit in that house and listen to it, though.
I needed a win. I desperately needed to feel like good could be accomplished in the face of all the chaos that has taken over this country… the chaos that had taken over my mind and heart. I needed a win and my client needed an adventure. We were going to Belks! Not just any Belks, either. The big one in the mall all the way across town, where she could get her hair done before she browsed the store.
Now, this was a big undertaking. It takes about an hour and a half to gather all the necessary paraphernalia and requires several tricky transfers. From the wheelchair to the car, to the wheelchair again and then to the salon chair, hair washing chair, back to the salon chair, back to the wheelchair, back to the car and finally back to her wheelchair at the end. It means that I am carrying a walker, tote bag with emergency supplies, her purse and my purse as I push her through the mall. It is every bit as exhausting as it is gratifying for both of us. That day, it was completely worth the effort, maybe more for me than for her.
That day came with a lesson that I hope to always hold close. The best way I know to protest the unacceptable is to not allow it to rob me of who I am; to apply the very same ideals that make this election result so difficult to swallow in every walk of my life, even when it’s difficult. I’m a caregiver first. I do not get to choose who is placed in my care. I do not get to dictate their opinions. However,I do get to hold on to my own and use them to motivate me to do my utmost best for them, regardless of the circumstances. I can lead by example and hold tight to the belief that, in the end, love always wins. While I’ll admit that is far less satisfying then ranting in the comment sections of news articles, I like to think in the long term, it will be more effective.

A Teachable Moment

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Alice

        Private Care is kind of like a weird Tim Burton version of Mary Poppins, except instead of love starved, dysfunctional children, I’ve got an elderly couple who have been married for nearly fifty years.
Technically, only one of them is my client but the fact is it’s a dance. As I am working independently, any work boundaries that need to be set have to come from me and setting and accepting my own limits in a work environment is an area in which I sorely lack.
I don’t like to rush my client. It is quite simply my favorite part of home care. If she wants to take an hour to brush her teeth, she can! The shifts are long and we have the time. I fail miserably at curling and teasing her hair and helping her with her make up, but the end result isn’t nearly as important to her as the fact that I’m willing to try. The trouble comes when her husband feels the need to rush. If I don’t act quickly, he’s a bundle of nerves and then she’s a bundle of nerves and then HELLLLOOOO ANXIETY, as I try desperately to keep everyone happy while maintaining an air of serenity.

I find myself tip toeing on that line of co-dependency far too often. Staying late and coming early, letting those little bits of time go without mentioning pay, cooking for their children and grandchildren on occasion, it does add up. I’m learning though, and not just how to be a better cook either. For one thing, I’m negotiating with myself. I like it when my client’s family comes to visit. It fills her with pure joy, like turning on an inner light switch. I am willing to cook for ten and clean up after for my client to have those moments. It gives me joy too. But then I have to put on my big girl pants and have that oh so scary conversation about being compensated for the hours that I stay late or come early. That’s the deal. Some things, I am learning to bend on and others I have to stand firm.

I’m learning how to teach someone who doesn’t even realize he’s a student. I love that!
“You have to speed her up. Sometimes she needs reminding that she’s handicap.” Her husband said to me one day. I explained to him that my job is to do all that I can to make it so she feels LESS powerless over her condition and owned by her limitations, not to remind her of them. He was quiet and for minute I thought I was in for it.

“You know, I never thought of it like that before.”  It was a teachable moment for both of us. I forget sometimes that not everyone can see what is obvious to me after working in this field for a few years.

Often I miss facility work. I felt more at home with the pace and home health can be very lonely. It’s long days with only the client and her husband to interact with. So much is dependent on moods. If her husband is in a bad mood, it throws my client off too and then I’m in for a long and uncomfortable fourteen hours. But it definitely isn’t boring, as I thought it would be. There is plenty to do and learn. I feel like I’m still exploring the parameters of my job in this area of the field.

Do I want to be in private care in a year? No. But for now that doesn’t matter. This is where I landed and this is where I’m needed. At least I’m not in Long Island!